I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
