Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
