ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
