You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
