I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize