The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
