Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
