Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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