I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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