OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
