help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
