at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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