Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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