Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
