Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im holly from the hills drunk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
