Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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