Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
