is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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