Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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