Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
