My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
