Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
