Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
