So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
