Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
