You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
