Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
