It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
