So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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