i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it hurts more in the daytime
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
