and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
