Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
