i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
