Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
