He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My bed smells like the plague
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
