Will you blow on my dice?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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