He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
