I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
