i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
