Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
