thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
