Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can you bring me the toilet please
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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