I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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