our cab driver is having phone sex.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
