i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
