I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
