i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
