Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
