Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize