What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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