What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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