All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
