Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
