If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
