I wanna passion pit in your ass
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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