If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
