do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
