i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
