He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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