I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
