He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
