I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
