he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need water and some morals
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
