To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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