rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
