Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
