YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
