I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize