Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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