Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
