well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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