separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
