Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
