nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
