They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
