i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
