how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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