Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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