Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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