He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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