Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
